The "M" word

MISCARRIAGE...The "M" word, is a silent but emotional word that seems to never be talked about openly. Its one of many things that can make or break a woman. Almost all women will go through it at least once in their life. And, sadly we all are not prepared for it, because we don't talk about it. No one ever knows about it, until you say I had one. Then everyone shares stories about their experience, and all you do is sit there like "WHY? Why didn't anyone ever say anything?". We don't express the pain openly, and we don't really talk about it in sex ed. Every woman should be prepared for this kind of thing. Every woman should talk about it, and know about it!

 "Miscarriages SUCK, they are heart breaking and they can take you down faster than anything you can prepare for. But its WHO you believe in, and WHO you have as a support is the ONLY way you can survive!" - My words to a friend who had one

I went through one 7yrs ago, and it destroyed me for months. I lost faith in God for awhile, I lost faith in having children, but I also lost MYSELF. I shut down completely, I pulled away from everyone and I hid the fact that I was completely destroyed by what happened. Because I felt like my dream was crushed in 1 split second. I was crushed at the cruel way my manager handled me losing the one thing I wanted more, I was crushed that I could be pregnant for one day and then BAM! gone, like it never even was there. But what hurt me most was some people that was a part of my life, dismissed it like it was nothing. "Ok, you where only 3wks pregnant, it really wasn't a baby". People don't know HOW to handle these situations because its something people never talk about it. 3 or 40 wks it is still an emotional attachment, it is still a baby to someone. Honestly without my family (mom,sister, grandmother & Aunt) and my husband, who let me grieve and held my hand. I don't think I would have ever gotten past the depression of a miscarriage. And without returning to my faith in God I don't think I would have ever seen the WHY behind it all. A couple months ago I never understood why this happened, why I had go to the darkest most unbelievable pain of losing a baby, til the day I had to comfort SEVERAL friends of mine. Something I would have never seen coming. But God did, he saw why he had to break my heart to help those I was so close to. These women I started a relationship with, through church but ultimately grew attached to through out mommy-play date group. I had to talk them through, I had pray them through it and I had to walk them through understanding God's plan, why it happened. Then to turn around 7yrs later and go through a chemical pregnancy, knowing that it is not labeled a miscarriage but to be told "You are not pregnant". But what helped me this time, was the LOVE and SUPPORT from those friends who I walked through with. To show the guidance, the prayers and the shoulders to cry on.  To have that, changed the whole thing, knowing the moment I said "Something is wrong" they scramble and form a support system to help was amazing. I had ladies offering child care, late night texting when they saw I was still awake and most important I had a prayer group, praying every moment of the day it felt like. I had the MOST amazing friends and family come to my aid.
So if you are reading this and you feel like "I'm the ONLY one" you are not, there are thousand of women who have been through it, and survived, AND have children. I count my 2 blessings (my son and daughter) God has blessed me with already, and look forward to when he will bless us with our third. And hopefully this will get people talking about miscarriages, and be better prepared. I love you all and I am here to talk if you need someone to talk to!
Blessings
Tina

A dog, A boy, couple changed lives

A warm sunny day, a little puppy named Gizzmo barked, wagged a tail, and sat patiently. Waited for me to notice him. I said "Hi big boy!", and he wagged his tail. I continued to do yard work. Not too long that the kids noticed this cute little boy.
"Can we pet him!?!" Excitement filled their eyes
"Hang on" I commented
Walking over reaching across the fence to test the waters
"Hey there!" The previous owner walked closer
We struck up a conversation about his puppy!
After about 10mins Gizzmo ended up over the fence and playing with my kids. The owner started to explain that they needed a home for him. They where set to move out, and can't take Gizzmo with them, plus they work so much they don't have time to be with him. The next step was the pound (oh my nurturing side was like NO this can't be the only option for him). Now we had talked about getting a dog, just not that week!
After about 5mins, Kris and Gizzmo bonded like they where long lost brothers. This kid has a BIG heart for all animals, much like his dad.

After about 2 afternoons of on and off testing him with kids, house training etc. I called the neighbor, and found out that where leaving the house in 3 days, if we didn't take him then that means he would be placed in the pound because they had no other options. I called my husband immediately, we prayed and JUMPED on the offer. A free dog, an already house trained puppy who could pass this up!
The next couple weeks have been so hard, between puppy energy, introducing him to our friends dogs, training him with manners (jumping, play biting, not dominating Lena, our youngest and smallest), sleep training him not to sleep on peoples (my husbands) face. Last night was the true highlight of owning such a sweet dog. Kris woke up around 2:45am, with nightmares. I talked him through it, got him back in bed. Came back to lay down, and Kris comes back in around 3am, with the "mom I can't sleep" talk. He just knew he would have bad dreams again. I calmly explained "prayers and trusting God would take care of those" so we started praying, as I did, Gizzmo cracks open the door, jumps in the bed, lays across Kris. As to say "I got this mom". Gizzmo laid with him all night, him and Kris at that moment created a bond of trust, and protection. Gizzmo would normally lay, sniff, and look around then leave. But this morning, he sat with him all early morning because he knew he needed him.

Kris woke up amazed that Gizzmo slept in his bed all night, and that because Gizzmo his dreams where chased away! All morning long these two have been right next to each other, these two have developed a relationship that I prayed would happen. We saved Gizzmo from a caged home, and he saved Kris from nightmares.

Two lives changed FOREVER!

Rainy...hyper...happy!

Woke up to 2 kids saying "We wanna do something" at 6:15am, 3rd day in a row. Its also the 3rd day in a row it has RAINED!!!! The dog is a puppy so he's bouncing off the walls... I was about to become the "Melt down Mama" at this point. So finally I broke tradition, I put the morning schedule aside (minus school work), and opened up pinetrest and started looking for indoor rainy day activities!
The kids ate, did independent play, and then I called Kris to start his lessons. He did his lesson, work sheets, and then we broke out the first activity.

SPIDER WEB TOSS:
This activity called for Painters Tape: I had none, so I used clear tape.

The next adventure is SLIME! Normally in the past I would have skipped this and found something "CLEANER" to do, but after you've cleaned the kitchen for 5 days in a row, none stop because you are cooking 3 meals a day, 5 days a week art room, and pretty much everything in between you stop worrying about "cleaning". So I let them have at it. They thought it was the MOST amazing thing ever!
SLIME:
Corn Starch, Water and food coloring, THATS it!
The actual amounts is unknown because you just have to guess :)

This has been now 30mins and they love it, they haven't stopped playing! I truly wish I would have thought about this earlier, but we are all still new to the entertainment for children stage :)

Now everyone is HAPPY and not minding the rain so much!
Blessings
Tina

My greatest reward

Every morning when I wake up, I hear two strong feet hit the floor. I think "Time to rise and shine". Then I hear a giggle and conversation, I think "Yep both are a wake now". I hear them say "The sun is bright, time to get mom", then I lay asleep waiting. Both kids come in "Rise and Shine give God the glory, good morning mama".

They are the reason I wake every morning, they are the reason I stay home to home-school and raise them God's way. They are the reason I don't work for money, but I work for hugs, kisses, sticky hand prints, and Lego's lodged everywhere.
They are the reason I am who I am today. I can't thank them enough for the joy they brought to my life, the friends I have come across, the relationship I have developed with Christ, and for the life style changes that I have embraced.
Occasionally I get asked by people why do I do what I do, I just simply say "Its hard to understand, because what I do is the most stressful, exhausting, hazard filled, craziest, schedule jammed packed, thing ever in the world. But at the same time it is the most amazing, joyful, greatest job I could ever do.". No days are perfect, but they are perfect enough for me to be so in love with my children.

Children are a heritage from the Lord,
    offspring a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
    are children born in one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
    whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
    when they contend with their opponents in court.
Psalms 127:3-5

Blessings
Tina